Letter to My Daughters

What one mother would like her girls to know, just in case God decides to call her home sooner rather than later.

MY dear girls,

As a financial planner, one overused phrase I always hear and have to repeat is: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” This pertains to one’s finances, of course. It occurred to me one day, what if I planned my finances well enough for you to inherit all my hard-earned money, but I fail to express my hopes and aspirations for you?

Money as a legacy may not last very long, but I hope that as beneficiaries of these heartfelt words of mine, you will always remember my love for you transcends time and death.

My beams of sunshine

Your papa and I often called you both our “sunshine” the first time you smiled at us as infants. I wanted to be the best mother possible for my babies so I loaded up on flash cards, toys that encouraged the development of your fine motor skills, Mozart CDs (supposedly, they make babies more intelligent).

I read up on babies’ and toddlers’ developmental stages. I spent nearly all my free time facilitating your learning experiences when you were older, making sure every moment was constructive to your critical learning years.

But one day, my dear Rachel, you turned to me and you said, “Mama, why don’t we just play?” It struck me then, that in my haste and enthusiasm to “develop” you, I had taken the joy out of our experience. I was missing out on savouring your growing moments.

Therefore, Leia, since your elder sister was the guinea pig for most of our parenting “firsts”, I am happy to write that I did not commit the same mistakes with you. So make sure you thank your sister for it.

Bulldogs’ cheeks and flabby arms

If laughter is the best medicine, then children are the ultimate elixir!

I have lost count of the times when your innocent banter sent me into stitches and, not a few times, into speechlessness. Like the time when Rachel stretched my left arm out and said “Mummy, look! Bulldogs’ cheeks are like that! Puh-lop, puh-lop, puh-lop ...,” while flapping the loose skin under my upper arm.

Or when playing Simon Says, Leia, you weren’t even two and you did EVERYTHING your sister instructed, including “Simon says pick your nose ...!”

The point here is, find humour in everything you do and in everyone you meet. For there will be times when you may meet a dead end or encounter unpleasantness in some people.

Humour has a wonderful way of clearing up muddled situations that tempers can’t.

So laugh a lot and laugh hard, laugh till your tears roll down your cheeks and your sides hurt. All those endorphins will do you good.

If all else fails, I find that watching a YouTube video of Phua Chu Kang often helps ...

To infinity and beyond!

My dear girls, when I gaze into your bright eyes, I believe that both of you can be GREAT. You are incredibly intelligent (your papa would say you inherited his brain). Whatever your dreams may be, reach for them, and reach high.

Never let a jealous schoolmate, or a frustrated teacher having a bad day, or even a family member tell you that there are things you cannot do (except for taking drugs, drinking, gambling – you know the drill!).

Life is too full of mediocre people telling the extraordinary ones what can’t be done. Never mind what can’t be done. It is your business to decide what can be done. Period.

Who will be your Prince Charming?

I may not be around by this time, but I have to have a say on my future sons-in-law. (However, if you choose to remain single, feel free to skip this part.)

My precious ones, when it comes to matters of the heart, girls must not let them go to their heads. Always conduct yourselves in such a manner that no man would dare dishonour you. You must consciously decide whom you will love. Love a man who is worthy of you and one who appreciates you.

Of course, if I have to break it down to specifics, I would probably say look to your father as a fine example of a man who is not flawless but always loving, helpful and respectful towards women.

One thing you must understand about your mama’s heart – you will always be my cherished little ones. So it is my hope that the men both of you eventually choose as your soulmates will treasure you even more. But if they don’t, you can be sure I’ll return to haunt their miserable, wretched lives for a long, looooong time.

And, finally

When I ponder the miracle of my two beautiful girls, I can’t help feeling as Maria and the Captain did in The Sound Of Music: “For here you are, standing there, loving me, whether or not you should. So somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good.”

Dear ones, with every hug, in every kiss, every time you say “Mama, you are the best mummy!”, with every letter or card you’ve written, and with every picture you’ve drawn of “beautiful mama”, I thank God for rewarding me for that something good I must have done in the past with my two lovely angels.

I love you both so much.

(published: 12th June 2011) Link: Letter to My Daughters

Carpe Diem, everyone!

Becky