Man Talk - Jared

Name: Jared

Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Age: 27
Married for 20 months (AGES!!!!!! hahaha)

1) "To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not understand her at all." What is your take on the above statement?

Jared: I don't really agree with this statement. I've heard something similar in that men would rather be respected more than loved which I think can be true in some sense, and for a lot of men this may be the case. However, I think these 2 things (love and understanding/respect) go hand in hand. To be able to truly love my Wife in the capacity she needs and deserves, I need to understand how she works/thinks (as hard as that may seem sometimes haha), how she feels loved, and how I can best show that to her.
Likewise, if my wife understands me, yet does not love me, then she would just be the same as any other person who has taken the time to get to know me. Many of my friends understand me, that doesn't mean they want to be married to me.

2) Which part of the wedding vow do you hold especially dear to your heart? Why?

Jared:  The part of our vows which I hold dear is "I will ... always seek your good with all my strength and all the strength God gives me". In Ephesians 5:22 it says " Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church...". Quite often guys will jokingly quote this scripture, perhaps sometimes with some degree of belief, making the point the the wife should do whatever the husband says. Rarely do they carry on from that where it says in verse 25:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy ... in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies."

To me this is the real challenge is. To love my Wife with the same level of commitment, dedication and passion that Christ showed to me by laying down his life. That whatever decisions are made, they are in her best interest.

3) Under "Money Issues..", an Anonymous who is a husband commented "...I would want to think that I am the main breadwinner, providing everything including frills for the wife. Trust me, most men, real men do..."
Do you think most men, including yourself, really share the same sentiment or should equality reign in couples in this day and age?

Jared: The topic of money is one that I think that has numerous and varied opinions. I think at the heart of most men there is that 'hunter and gatherer' mentality that we want to be able to provide for all of our wife's/families needs. At the end of the day though, every couple is different. Everyone (men and women) have their own desires and dreams for what they want to accomplish in life. I think that the topic of money needs to be something that is discussed by a couple early on, so that both sides are aware of the expectations each other has.

I personally think that being married, my Wife and I are a team. Whatever we do, it is for each other's benefit. Money is only one of many aspects of our marriage. If my wife earns more than me, then I wouldn't feel less of a man, or that I'm not a 'real man' as Mr Anonymous may suggest. No one should feel that they are defined by how much they earn. There are far more important things in this world.

4) We discussed a lot about love languages under "Five Love Languages", 1/7/2010. How do you feel when your wife speaks the right love language to you?

Jared:  This follows on from my point in answer #1. It's important  to know what your spouse's love languages are, to be able to ensure their 'love tank' is full. Luckily (or not so luckily) for me my wife has ALL 5 of them!! Oh the choices =)

As for me, when my wife speaks my love languages, not only do I feel loved, but I know that she understands how I work and that she makes the effort speak love to me in a way that I understand. For me my main languages are quality time and gifts of service. So when she does something like doing a chore for me that I usually do even though she doesn't like doing it (the reason I usually do it), then I am not only grateful, but feel loved that she did something that made me happy, and not her.

Appreciation: Many thanks, Jared, for sharing your heart with us on Carpe Diem Mamas! It's good to see the other side of a coin once in awhile. Mamas, do your husbands share Jared's opinions on the above issues? If you're a husband/male reader, we'd like to know what you think too....