My Brother, My Sister.... My Friend

I attended a cousin's wedding recently. She is the only girl among five siblings. Yet, she and her brothers are close and care deeply for one another. When we joked that the groom-to-be had to be 'cross-examined' and approved by the brothers first, the eldest brother candidly replied, "Of course! No one can bully our sister--- but us!"

How wonderful to have siblings looking out for you..

On the other extreme, an intensely bitter sibling rivalry between two brothers in Sabah ended with one murdering the other. This happened quite recently on 1st April 2010. The mother said the two fought often over petty issues which she believed was due to jealousy and unhappiness. The father said the two sons had been at odds with each other ever since the younger one was 3 years old. (Source: Sibling rivalry ends in murder)

Tragic, isn't it? -  that children from the same womb should hate each other so much!

Although sibling quarrels are normal and part of growing up, as a mother, I want my children to get along well because at the end of the day, no matter what happens, blood is thicker than water. It should be your family that stands by you when the chips are down. I think it would break any mother's heart to see the children she gave birth to mired in strife and hate.

What factors contribute to the quality of sibling relationships?

a) Sex and Temperament

- Sibling relationships are more likely to be warm and harmonious between siblings of the same sex (Dunn & Kendrick, 1981) and when neither is temperamentally emotional (Brody, Stoneman & McCoy, 1994).

b) Age

Sibling relationships generally improve as the younger one approaches adolescence because they begin to perceive each other as equals (Buhrmester & Furman, 1990)

c) Parents' treatment of children

Siblings more often get along when they believe parents have no 'favourites' but treat all equally (Kowal & Kramer, 1997). When parents exalt one child's accomplishments while ignoring the other, children will notice and the sibling relationship suffers.

d) Parents' relationship with each other

A warm, harmonious relationship between parents often makes for positive sibling relationships; conflict between parents is associated with conflict between siblings (Volling & Belsky, 1992). When parents don't get along, they no longer treat their children the same, leading to conflict among siblings (Brody et al., 1994)

[Source: Children and their Development, Robert V. Kail]

The implication we get from the above is that we as parents can influence sibling relationships for the better if we are loving towards each other, and be equally affectionate, responsive as well as caring towards all of our children.

From your experience, how have the above factors influenced your sibling relationships? And how do you improve on those factors to enhance your children's relationships with one another?

 At the end of the day.....

 A brother (sister) is a friend God gave you; A friend is a brother (sister) your heart chose.

-Proverb

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky