Values and Morals do Matter

While the PPSMI debate is still ongoing, I would like to touch on another subject in our education system which needs due attention: Moral Education. 

When I was a student, I used to think that Moral Education was a waste of time. Even though it was an exam subject in the SPM, I believed then and even now, that a grade in this particular paper does not represent the actual moral standing of a person. Memorizing the 36 'nilai-nilai murni' was just another form of rote learning which had taken up unnecessary space in my brain. 

However, after a recent trip to China, I do think that perhaps Moral Education is useful after all. Nearly everywhere we went in Beijing, basic courtesy was so lacking. It was so evident in the way that shopkeepers would scold customers who did not buy their wares and in people who shoved us out of the way while queueing without so much as an "Excuse me". Traffic laws were flouted habitually. Honesty was pretty much non-existent. Most tourists who have been to China would attest to the experience of what-you-paid-for-is-not-what-you-thought-you'll-get. Chinese locals spat everywhere they went, even within the marbled floors of a museum! 

After observing the locals' behavior, I concluded that there is no 'moral code' for them to abide by. The damage done since the Cultural Revolution has led to the deficiency of humanitarian values. In the wake of their massive economic growth, the society has become so "ultra-utilitarian that it concerns itself with rich lists, GDP growth and test scores" (Jiang Xueqin, The Diplomat). It is frightening how there's a fake version of everything from Gucci bags to eggs. Human lives have so little value that people would rather compensate a death than extend help and treatment as evidenced from the tragic Wang Yue incident. 

In Malaysia, we are fortunate as we still have our religion and a standard moral guideline through Moral Education in schools. However, we should not rest on our laurels as our society is still grappling with countless social diseases; domestic and child abuse, teen pregnancy, baby dumping, bullying, divorce, corruption… just to name a few. Therefore, while it is good to maintain the subject, the content should be revised and integrated into other areas so that it remains relevant to our children and youths. Apart from that, there has to be a paradigm shift from the obsession with straight A's to character building. We do not want our future society to be so driven by materialistic wealth that values like integrity and altruism are shelved. 

In the words of Martin Luther King Jr. : "The function of education, therefore, is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. But education which stops with efficiency may prove the greatest menace to society. The most dangerous criminal may be the man gifted with reason, but with no morals." 

Malaysians can not, should not, MUST not walk down this path.

(published on 11/12/2011) link: Values and Morals do matter

[the editor edited it to make it 'less offensive']

Carpe Diem, everyone!

Becky

The Knight in Rusty Armour

IS chivalry sexist?” asked Mary Schneider, to which I answer wholeheartedly, “Heavens, NO!” (But Then Again, June 20)

If I may take it a step further, should one examine medieval literature, chivalry can be classified under three basic areas: duty to countrymen and fellow Christians, duty to God, and most commonly, duty to women, as addressed in Schneider’s article.

The last area is also known as courtly love chivalry. During the 11th century, a knight’s duty was to his own lady and after her, all ladies. He was supposed to exhibit a general gentleness and graciousness to all members of the fairer sex.

Even today, that is not an uncommon expression of affection when one is in courtship. When wooing their lady love, most men would go to great lengths to make her feel special, whether it is by opening the car door for her, carrying her heavy grocery bag or patiently walking with her as she window-shops at her favourite boutique. However, feminists like to argue against it.

But chivalrous treatment of the lady has been the norm for dating couples. It is very unlikely that a woman will retort fiercely to a man who has just pulled out the chair for her, “You benevolent sexist! I can do that myself! Remember I am your EQUAL!”

But what happens after the wedding bells have been rung and marital vows exchanged?

Instead of opening the car door for her upon arrival at their destination, the husband closes his own door and walks off. When once they used to walk hand in hand at the shopping mall, the man now strides two or three paces ahead while the woman has to play catch up. Although, to his credit, he does turn back once in a while to ask, “Can’t you walk faster?” Gone are the days when he would window-shop with her. His newspaper is his friend while he sits on the bench and gruffly tells his wife: “Go ahead, let me finish this article...”

Maybe not all men become less chivalrous after marriage, but most do slack in their courteous treatment towards their wives. This is from the horse’s mouth, by the way; my own husband would attest to it. If the above does not apply to you, I congratulate you.

So husbands, why not continue that chivalrous trend even after you’ve already captured your sweet maiden’s heart and hand? After all, surely your wife is still just as deserving, if not more so, of your gracious manners as when she was only your girlfriend. In all honesty, it still does make us feel very special.

(published 26th June 2011) Link: The Knight in Rusty Armour

Carpe Diem, everyone!

Becky

Letter to My Daughters

What one mother would like her girls to know, just in case God decides to call her home sooner rather than later.

MY dear girls,

As a financial planner, one overused phrase I always hear and have to repeat is: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” This pertains to one’s finances, of course. It occurred to me one day, what if I planned my finances well enough for you to inherit all my hard-earned money, but I fail to express my hopes and aspirations for you?

Money as a legacy may not last very long, but I hope that as beneficiaries of these heartfelt words of mine, you will always remember my love for you transcends time and death.

My beams of sunshine

Your papa and I often called you both our “sunshine” the first time you smiled at us as infants. I wanted to be the best mother possible for my babies so I loaded up on flash cards, toys that encouraged the development of your fine motor skills, Mozart CDs (supposedly, they make babies more intelligent).

I read up on babies’ and toddlers’ developmental stages. I spent nearly all my free time facilitating your learning experiences when you were older, making sure every moment was constructive to your critical learning years.

But one day, my dear Rachel, you turned to me and you said, “Mama, why don’t we just play?” It struck me then, that in my haste and enthusiasm to “develop” you, I had taken the joy out of our experience. I was missing out on savouring your growing moments.

Therefore, Leia, since your elder sister was the guinea pig for most of our parenting “firsts”, I am happy to write that I did not commit the same mistakes with you. So make sure you thank your sister for it.

Bulldogs’ cheeks and flabby arms

If laughter is the best medicine, then children are the ultimate elixir!

I have lost count of the times when your innocent banter sent me into stitches and, not a few times, into speechlessness. Like the time when Rachel stretched my left arm out and said “Mummy, look! Bulldogs’ cheeks are like that! Puh-lop, puh-lop, puh-lop ...,” while flapping the loose skin under my upper arm.

Or when playing Simon Says, Leia, you weren’t even two and you did EVERYTHING your sister instructed, including “Simon says pick your nose ...!”

The point here is, find humour in everything you do and in everyone you meet. For there will be times when you may meet a dead end or encounter unpleasantness in some people.

Humour has a wonderful way of clearing up muddled situations that tempers can’t.

So laugh a lot and laugh hard, laugh till your tears roll down your cheeks and your sides hurt. All those endorphins will do you good.

If all else fails, I find that watching a YouTube video of Phua Chu Kang often helps ...

To infinity and beyond!

My dear girls, when I gaze into your bright eyes, I believe that both of you can be GREAT. You are incredibly intelligent (your papa would say you inherited his brain). Whatever your dreams may be, reach for them, and reach high.

Never let a jealous schoolmate, or a frustrated teacher having a bad day, or even a family member tell you that there are things you cannot do (except for taking drugs, drinking, gambling – you know the drill!).

Life is too full of mediocre people telling the extraordinary ones what can’t be done. Never mind what can’t be done. It is your business to decide what can be done. Period.

Who will be your Prince Charming?

I may not be around by this time, but I have to have a say on my future sons-in-law. (However, if you choose to remain single, feel free to skip this part.)

My precious ones, when it comes to matters of the heart, girls must not let them go to their heads. Always conduct yourselves in such a manner that no man would dare dishonour you. You must consciously decide whom you will love. Love a man who is worthy of you and one who appreciates you.

Of course, if I have to break it down to specifics, I would probably say look to your father as a fine example of a man who is not flawless but always loving, helpful and respectful towards women.

One thing you must understand about your mama’s heart – you will always be my cherished little ones. So it is my hope that the men both of you eventually choose as your soulmates will treasure you even more. But if they don’t, you can be sure I’ll return to haunt their miserable, wretched lives for a long, looooong time.

And, finally

When I ponder the miracle of my two beautiful girls, I can’t help feeling as Maria and the Captain did in The Sound Of Music: “For here you are, standing there, loving me, whether or not you should. So somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good.”

Dear ones, with every hug, in every kiss, every time you say “Mama, you are the best mummy!”, with every letter or card you’ve written, and with every picture you’ve drawn of “beautiful mama”, I thank God for rewarding me for that something good I must have done in the past with my two lovely angels.

I love you both so much.

(published: 12th June 2011) Link: Letter to My Daughters

Carpe Diem, everyone!

Becky

Dear Visitors to Carpe Diem Mamas,

During my hiatus from blogging, I have gone mainstream and have been writing on a regular basis to our national (Malaysian) newspaper, The Star, on various issues I feel strongly about. (Oh yes, just in case you're wondering if I get paid doing it, cos everybody keeps asking me that, -----I don't, as I'm not a columnist. It's just another platform for me to express my views.) I will be putting selected published articles here on the blog to share with all of you. Feel free to give your feedback.... unless it's derogatory or unkind, in which case I'll just spam you. Apart from that, you're most welcome to share your thoughts!

Thin does not mean pretty

I APPRECIATE Mary Schneider’s article, Fill her up!, especially the last line: “If only some parents would stop focusing so much on their children’s physical attributes, we’d have a lot more healthier adults on this planet.”

I have two daughters. The older, now six, was a beautiful, chubby baby and she retained her baby fat for a while.

However, due to swimming and dance lessons (which she loves, by the way), she gained some height and muscle tone.

It never occurred to me to do all this to make her “thinner” as I believe very much in making exercise a lifestyle.

What irked me though were parents (incidentally, more mothers than fathers) who came up to her and said, “Wow, you look so pretty now! So slim!”

I was aghast by that statement.

Firstly, I have been spending a lot of time telling my daughter that beauty is not dependent on how thin she is, but rather, her beauty should radiate from within, through her kindness, confidence and health.

I even highlighted the problem of anorexia nervosa in some girls who are obsessed with being thin, to the detriment of their own well-being.

Secondly, I have also been explaining to her that beauty comes in many forms, not just a particular shape, height or colour.

It broke my heart when she sometimes came up to me and told me her friend called her fat and that she didn’t think she is pretty.

Although I cannot control what other people say to my daughter, I hope that parents (especially mothers) will accept and appreciate the fact that their children do not have to adhere to Hollywood standards of superficial attractiveness to be beautiful.

(published 29th May, 2011) Thin does not mean pretty

Carpe Diem, everyone!

Becky