"Unconditional love is eagerly promised at weddings, but rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes are often replaced with disappointment in the home. But it doesn't have to stay that way..."
The Love Dare (by Stephen & Alex Kendrick)
When we got married, we used the verses below for our wedding bulletin:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails....... 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
5 years, two children, a home mortgage, piles of dirty laundry, job datelines, unending chores and cooking, miles of chauffering to and from schools, unmet expectations..etc later,I think it's so tough to maintain that high standard of 'unconditional love' for your spouse, isn't it? (if you manage to fulfil ALL of the above, please share your secret with us!)
So recently, when a soon-to-be mama of 4 (!!!) shared this book with me, I thought it's a great idea to start focusing on US, as in husband and wife, for a change. It's not healthy to neglect both our relationship even as we devote our time and energy to our children.
More: The Love Dare
YouTube movie-Fireproof Part 1 (with subtitles)
YouTube movie - Fireproof 2008 part 1 of 12 (runs faster)
YouTube movie - Fireproof 2008 part 1 of 12 (runs faster)
Basically, the book is a 40 day journey of love challenges; there are 3 elements in each topic.
First, a unique aspect of love will be discussed.
Second, a specific dare for you and your spouse will be given.
Third, write in the journal space provided what you've learned.
Let me give you a preview of some of the dares (see if you can try it out with your hubby.):
1) Resolve to say nothing negative to your spouse at all..
2) Do one unexpected gesture of kindness to your spouse
3) Buy your spouse something that says "I'm thinking of you today."
4) Ask your spouse what are the 3 things that irritate him about you..without attacking him..
5) Write out two lists of positive and negative things about your spouse...
6) Burn the negative list -- be your spouse's greatest fan.
7) Demonstrate love by willingly giving in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse....
Hmm... is it any wonder why it's called the Love Dare?
It even has 20 Questions for your Spouse in the Appendix II-- questions to ask your spouse when on a date/or having a private conversation. When I looked at it, I had to laugh cos those are questions we would ask each other when we were courting. But now, we actually need to be reminded to "learn more about the heart of your spouse".. It's so necessary to keep the practice going! Some of the 20 questions:
1) What is your greatest hope/dream?
2) What would be your dream job..?
3) Who would you give a million dollars to?
4) If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?
5) Who do you feel most 'safe' with and why?I don't usually tell people, "Here, you MUST buy this book!" but I believe couples should invest in a healthy, loving marriage be it through date nights/retreats/marriage course....etc. This is something we can do on a daily basis for 40 days and it costs RM45, so that's like only RM1.13 a day - dirt cheap for a lifetime of happiness! Why not? Besides, a happy husband and wife make better parents, yes?
(P/S If you know of any other similar marriage books that has helped you, do share with us too! I'm sure there are plenty more in the market.)
Carpe Diem, ladies!
Becky
Pros:
Plenty! It definitely has helped me to understand my hubby better and to focus on appreciating him rather than complain. Also, it's something for both of us to look forward to--something away from kids, work, the daily grind.. and just talk about us.
Cons:
The cons has nothing to do with the content of the book and everything to do with our attitude/approach to the dares. We have to be careful not to rush through e.g. "Ok, today we write two lists.. ok, done! Next!" Another trap we might fall into would be to be 'calculative' about the 'gestures of kindness' we do to each other e.g. "Hey! I've done this and that for you... how come you haven't done anything for me???!!" If we do, it kinda defeats the whole purpose, doesn't it? Also, it takes discipline.... due to busy-ness, it's been more than 40 days and we're still stuck at Love Dare 7... (head bowed in shame)--ok, that's not a con, more like our weakness..might have to start over again! :)So, mamas, think about it! Make an investment in your marriage. Check your nearest bookstore for it!
(P/S If you know of any other similar marriage books that has helped you, do share with us too! I'm sure there are plenty more in the market.)
Carpe Diem, ladies!
Becky
6 comments:
FYI, if you watch the DVD of Fireproof, it's even nicer and then do the book.
Kirk Cameron and his wife are devoted Christians.
Here's some additional information. If you watch the ending of the movie, he and his movie wife embrace and kiss. When they were filming the movie, as Kirk and his wife are devoted Christians, they vowed that the only people they ever kiss is each other. So when they shot the last scene, it's a far away shot and the lady he kisses is actually his real wife.
So Kirk and his wife stay true to their devotion to one another and can enjoy their careers as actors.
I thought that was so sweet. Makes me love the movie even more.
I found part 1 of the movie on YouTube and it continues till part 12. I've included the link above so just click on the subsequent parts of the movie.
Check it out! It's such a tearjerker..
Yes, everything nowadays can be found on youtube.com and it's free. You can also find Nanny 911 and Super Nanny for those moms who want help to know how to handle children, discipline, methods, etc.
I tried the naughty corner one from Super Nanny and how you are to say "This is not acceptable" to my little one and surprisingly, it actually does work.
Now when I say "This is not acceptable", right away she knows if she misbehaves again or is disobedient, she knows there will be a naughty corner.
The other day, her daddy read a book about a naughty duck who went to the naughty stair. I was amazed as the Super Nanny also covers naughty stairs..haha. And it was a Golden Books publication too.
thanks.. will check it out too!
i've watch the fireproof movie...it's nice. very touching.
When you guy watch that movie, do you go "Hey, that's just like us!" or "Hey, we do that too!" or "I know how she feels!" ??
I was thinking husband and wife issues are so universal we can probably identify with most of them and empathize with either (or both) the husband/wife in the movie.
I like Mr. Rudolph, the hot sauce scene and the part where Caleb poured the whole pot of coffee away... :)
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