When I was 8 years old (maybe?), I asked my mum what people meant when they say 'birds and bees'.
She said matter of factly, "Oh it just means 'sex' or 'make love' to breed young ones."
I asked "What's 'make love'?"
"Well, the male puts its private part into the female's and then they conceive.."
I was horrified. Grossed. Yuck! Then, "Do people do that?"
"Oh yeah! Where do you think you came from?" she said. At which point, my heart practically sank. My parents...............made love?
"But what about the clothes?"
"We take them off, otherwise how to do it?.." The graphic mental picture that I had then repulsed me. My parents did such 'dirty things'?
"But what about the clothes?"
"We take them off, otherwise how to do it?.." The graphic mental picture that I had then repulsed me. My parents did such 'dirty things'?
" I thought people just get married and automatically, the woman gets pregnant!"
"Oh no no, see your papa had to..." she proceeded to explain."STOP! STOP! I don't want to hear, don't tell me!!" I ran out....
My first "sex talk"...sort of.
When do you start telling your children about the 'birds and bees'? More importantly, how?
Personally, I think we can start when our children are aware of body parts and the difference between a boy's and a girl's 'pee-pee'. Just the other day, my 4 year old asked me, "Mummy, how come men have a long thing in front of them?"
"WHAT!? How do you know? Who SHOWED you?" (no secret why I'm so paranoid)
"I just know..." she shrugged.
"Oh," I calmed down."We're just different, that's all. Boys' private part is called 'penis'. "
She giggled.. "Penis! What a funny name!"
How can we talk to kids about sex?
1) Simply. Start in the bathtub, naming body parts to your child using correct, clinical terms instead of silly, baby words.
2) Form the right attitude e.g. point out certain sexual behaviours they might see on tv or elsewhere are not appropriate for unmarried couples.
3) Read up on the subject of sex to fill in any gap in our own knowledge.
4) If our kids ask something we don't know, find out and get back to them.
5) Children start noticing differences between mothers and fathers by age four whether you tell them or not.
6) (My opinion) Use books as a guide, there are plenty of child friendly, pictorial books to make the process easier........for parents.
7) For adolescents: Talk to them about the sanctity of marriage and keeping oneself pure for it.
(Summarized and paraphrased from "The Focus on the Family Guide to Growing a Healthy Home", Part 4, pg. 165. By Connie Marshner)
Well, mamas, what's your take on this?
Carpe Diem, ladies!
Becky
17 comments:
Your mother is so open-minded! I never ask parents such questions nor they tell me anything about it.
Have no idea how to tell my daughter if she asks in future. :P
I still think that man & woman who lie in bed together will automatically have babies when I was 13 years old. Hahaha.
haha..
Oh man! I had to tell my mum to stop telling me things that time. She would ramble on about man and woman intimacy, erection, ejaculation..etc. Facts of life, I know but when it's about your PARENTS?
I always shouted: "No more! No more! Spare me the details about u and dad! Ugh!"
As for your daughter, just keep it simple and make it matter-of-fact.. A children's book about this helps!
Daddy is the doc. Go and ask daddy. Hehehe.
OK, that might work.... :)
Just an opinion though or rather from my own experience, it's easier for mothers to teach girls about such things than fathers..e.g. one day,you'd have to talk to your girl about monthly cycles, PMS..etc right? Daddy can only explain the theory part, but has no idea what PMS is like..
Maybe mothers teach daughters,and fathers teach sons?
Son? Then my hubby will never have the chance to educate. Hahaha~
"Poor" hubby?
:D
That is really hard question! my son got asked me "where am i from?", "why papa n mummy married?" So far we haven't touch more detail about man and woman intimacy to him. As simple we just told him that God create you and put into mummy's tummy. I think, when the time comes, or he grows more mutual he will automatically will know about intimacy stuff from media, friends, school, books.. etc..
When i think back at my young age, my parent never touch about intimacy issue to me. Maybe they are not sure how to start telling all those stuff to us. I got to know about "sex" when i was 14 years old just because my next door classmate got pregnant so that was a hot issue we shared and talked about it most everyday in the classroom.
yeah, kids are exposed to a lot knowadays...
But would you be concerned that when he learns about it from media/friends/school...etc, he might also learn what you may not want him to learn?
I think, Gorden and I will be opened to answer to his question as and when being asked. We will try our best to answer it in a simplified and biblical manner that he could understand.
Ok, thank u! :)
I'm gonna use graphics like they have for biology class. You know, the ones they cut through to show you everything on the inside.
If that's too complicated, well...a banana and a donut then.
:P
Hahaha...simple yet graphic? never thought of that... :)
You will all be amazed just how much children pick up from media and esp friends. When hubby and I went to our baptism class for our 1st child's infant baptism, the pastor then told us, start informing them, teaching them about the 'birds and the bees' when they are 10 years old. It'll give them two years to soak everything in as well as the hormones kicking in.
He also mentioned to use biology terms as and when the child can handle it. Thus phrases like 'birds and bees' can cause confusion to the child. Of course terms like erection and ejaculation might be a bit hard for a child to handle so with each child, you have to use discretion as to if and when they are ready for information loading.
For me, growing up, my parents would never talk about it during a sit down conversation so I took the opportunities when my mom was making her water or pan fried dumplings to help her make roll out the skin and then a thousand questions would come up and she was more comfortable telling me.
So every time she would make dumplings, there I would be to talk to her about it. I'm the type that likes to keep informed thus the dumpling making times for not just sex, but all types of questions.
Sometimes it's the parent(s) who feel awkward talking about sex and not the children and sometimes it's vice versa.
We must be willing to share with out children for there is a lot of information out there that will distort a child's thinking. We need to set them on the right path.
BTW, my 3 year old always ask baba to kiss mama before he goes to work. The other day we showed her a very passionate kiss. Then hours later in the car she asked me, why baba kiss mama soooo much. I explained to her that when God brings 2 people together, they love each other, get married, kiss and have beautiful children like her (in that order..hehe). I then told her one day God will bring a delicious, wonderful man to her life and she can do all that but until then, she's my little angel. She smiled a big huge smile and went on singing and playing in the car.
That's just step one into the love/sex talk and she's only 3. Imagine more detailed stuff to come.
Ladies, savour those moments when you can teach your child anywhere, any place.
Ya, it's important to talk about it with your child. Personally, I think it's better if they hear it from us first before others because we can instil the values we want them to have regarding sex.
Just want to share with you all the headlines in Star today about teen pregnancies on the rise:
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/6/26/nation/6549733&sec=nation
And a comment by psychologist, Dr. Chiam Heng Keng about teen mums:
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/6/26/nation/6554838&sec=nation
(She was my lecturer by the way!)
haha...my mom start talking about it when i was 14 (maybe) start by saying, just by sitting next to a guy or kissing a guy, i can get pregnant...hhmmm.... it wasnt dat easy lehh...
So I guess no kissing for you for a loooooooong time huh? :)
Guess our mothers meant well, and probably most had difficulty conveying their message regarding a very awkward subject...except for mine apparently! :D
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