Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Age: 33
Married for 3.5 years.
1) How do you strike a balance between work and your family life?
I think if you can't balance your family cheque book you have no right to balance your lifestyle. First, make enough money to give your wife an option to stay home to take care of your children if she wishes to. If you can do that, now we can talk about balancing lifestyle. I work 5 full days a week- meaning around 12-14 hours a day. But my Saturdays and Sundays are for my family. Whenever I can I bring my family overseas for 10 days holiday. Just did Europe and Australia this year with my in-laws, parents, wife and children. So I think the quality of time spent with your family is more important than quantity. If your wife keeps complaining about not enough money for the household, step up boys... Time to be a man, and take good care of the income.
2) An Anonymous under 'Five Love Languages' commented that women nag their husbands because of the "failure on man's part to listen CAREFULLY and ATTENTIVELY..no joke.." . What's your take on that since it's a common occurrence for women to 'nag' their husbands? (apparently, due to the common occurrence that men don't listen..)
Totally agree on the quote. Yes, wives nag because men don't listen. Totally true. I'm that kind of man that can't do 2 things simultaneously. So sometimes I can hear what she is mumbling but can't understand the meaning. That's where all the argument starts. So now I learnt my lesson, when your wife talks, stop and listen. Ask again if you don't understand. If you easily forget put it down in your smartphone or notebook. Can't afford a week of silence just because we men don't listen.
3) "Don't marry the person you think you can live with, marry the individual you think you can't live without." (James C. Dobson). Do you agree with the statement? Why?
I think it's true half way. "Crazily in love" only lasts maybe 6 months. But true love lasts a lifetime. If at that moment you feel you can't live without him... Hey, that feeling is gonna last 6 months max. But if you can live with his imperfectness, his beer belly, spare tyres, dirty laundry and nose picking then, as long as he loves you, willing to take care of you spiritually, financially, physically AND most importantly, accept you for who you are... Hey, that guy is worth marrying. No point marrying a guy who, for the first 6 months makes you crazy about him and then, the next 60 years gives you hell!
4) What are the three things which you appreciate MOST about your wife?
My lovely wife has loads of good values. Firstly, I think she trusts me a lot. In my work, I need to spend time with ladies- clients and agents nearly everyday. Most of the time, 1 to 1. Yet, she doesn't question my whereabouts and who I'm meeting. I hold myself well enough to fend off naughty girls. So it's a win-win situation. And ladies, husbands hate it when you are being suspicious all the time. It feels like the income tax breathing down your neck every night. And please, if your husband wants to cheat, he can do it in a tree or in a cupboard. So trust him. If you cant trust him don't marry him. Secondly, she takes care of our babies very, very well. Full of motherly love. She hardly nags now, because I listen. She is amazingly cheap to maintain for a lady with good taste in fashion and style. And finally, she is a doctor. So what more can a man ask for, when your wife posseses all those qualities and yet, she's a doctor! She is never, never fat. She is still beautifully slim after our babies.
That's it... Thanks for letting me share.
My lovely wife has loads of good values. Firstly, I think she trusts me a lot. In my work, I need to spend time with ladies- clients and agents nearly everyday. Most of the time, 1 to 1. Yet, she doesn't question my whereabouts and who I'm meeting. I hold myself well enough to fend off naughty girls. So it's a win-win situation. And ladies, husbands hate it when you are being suspicious all the time. It feels like the income tax breathing down your neck every night. And please, if your husband wants to cheat, he can do it in a tree or in a cupboard. So trust him. If you cant trust him don't marry him. Secondly, she takes care of our babies very, very well. Full of motherly love. She hardly nags now, because I listen. She is amazingly cheap to maintain for a lady with good taste in fashion and style. And finally, she is a doctor. So what more can a man ask for, when your wife posseses all those qualities and yet, she's a doctor! She is never, never fat. She is still beautifully slim after our babies.
That's it... Thanks for letting me share.
Appreciation: Thanks, Ah Keong, for sharing with us!
13 comments:
Hmmm... spoken like a true man :)
I do agree that being a good provider in the financial sense is a vey important role that the husband/father usually plays.
Nevertheless, i think it is equally important for the man of the house to shoulder the emotional and spiritual responsibility of being a father figure and a husband on a daily basis coz our children and we wives don't need our man only on weekends or holidays!
Some people believe that love is spelled TIME, even in doing the most mundane and routine things like changing diapers or bathtime.
I count myself fortunate for having a very supportive mother who helps care for my infant son while i work fulltime which gives me the opportunity to gain personal satisfaction while contributing to the community without being burdened by the guilt of not being a fulltime mother.
Hubby is also supportive and hands-on,he comes back home in time to take turns putting him to sleep on workdays and helps with night feeds.
I guess every family is different and what works best are personal choices but I do believe that the loving and caring for our children is not just motherly love but regular fatherly plus extended family love as well.
There is also evidence in the literature to show that the best outcome for a child's development is a balance between the benefits of increased family income from double-income and not excessively long working hours of the parents, esp mums.
Hi Ah Keong, I'm sure you love your wife a lot.. just that, as a woman I wouldn't want to be referred to as 'cheap to maintain'. Er.. not very complimentary wouldn't you think?
Just my opinion... but otherwise, thanks for sharing.
laifchan
i find your statement "...while i work fulltime which gives me the opportunity to gain personal satisfaction while contributing to the community without being burdened by the guilt of not being a fulltime mother" insensitive and careless. you are saying that fulltime/stay-home mothers 1.do not gain personal satisfaction raising children, 2.are not contributing to the community ,and 3.can be easily replaced. i disagree.
my heart goes out to those mothers who want to "stay-home" with their children but had to work due to financial constraints.
laifchan, since work is so rewarding and important to you, why start a family? is contributing to the community more important than contributing to your infant son? if your infant son can talk right now, i think he'd say "i want my mommy..." but by the time he's all grown up and can express his feelings, he would have gotten used to not having you around, by then he'll say "who else and what else is out there for me?"
Anonymous,
Sometimes i wish that people don't read too far into sentences, since the language was in spoken form. It is not a thesis.
I met enough people who make tons of wrong conclusions from simple statements and it is a turnoff. It is impossible to outguess these people; it's like trying to guess a motive behind a motive to no end. Life is a lot more beautiful by keeping it simple.
I don't think laifchan meant it the way you interpreted it.
Anyway, for me as a dad, i am enjoying my precious moments with my children; sending them to school, fetching them back and having lunch together almost everyday while having a full time job. Life is indeed beautiful with my kids around and i hold them dear.
dear anonymous,
oh dear, i think some of my phrases were misinterpreted again.
first of all,stay at home mums have my utmost respect, like i said , its a personal choice and of course, one that can be equally if not more gratifying, just that it doesn't happen to be my choice.
i think my son's attachment to me and to others ie papa and grandma are good, he is able to call papa and mama accordingly and he seems to be able to understand that there are times when mummy needs to work
so, thank you Proud Papa for being understanding :)
This reminds me of a short article I read in "God's Little Devotional Book" (1995). For those readers who are not Christians, you can adapt it to your own religion.
"Popular writer and speaker Tony Campolo tells a story about his wife. When he was on the faculty of the University of Pennsylvania, his wife was often invited to faculty gatherings and inevitably a woman lawyer or sociologist would confront her with the question, often framed in a condescending tone of voice, "And what is it that you do, my dear?"
Mrs Campolo gave this as her response: "I am socializing two Homosapiens in the dominant values of the Judeo-Christian tradition in order that they might be instruments for the transformation of the social order into the teleologically prescribed utopia inherent in the eschaton." Then she would politely and kindly ask the other person, "And what is it that you do?"
The other person's response was rarely as overpowering!
Too often women feel as if they should apologize for being mothers or wives who "work at home" for the betterment of their families and husbands. In reality, these roles can be noble callings- one with far-reaching impact and eternal consequences!"
Every loving mother has her family's best interest in her heart.
There is nothing stay-at-home mums should apologize for if one can afford to play that role.
Similarly, working mums also do their best to provide financially and to balance it with their familial obligations. These days, (depending on different factors, of course) it is quite difficult to sustain a household on a single income only.
At the end of the day, we're all doing our best for our family and as long as we are, we are all playing our "noble" roles.
And that is nothing to apologize for....
I can relate to being a full time homemaker as well as a working mom. I did full time while taking care of kids full time. Even when a woman works full time, once she is home she shifts to full time homemaking, at least thats what I felt. I've done the part time work while taking care if house n kids. I also did the work/study/care for kids all at the same time. Those years were the most tiring.
From my own experience I find it rewarding to work and raise a family. It requires good time organization n management and knowing priorities, ie. Times w family means other things can wait like dishwashing, replying that email, finishing paperwork. Remember once the kids r asleep, the remaining evening time can be used for other things.
Bringing in an income/developing a career provides personal growth and at the same time, after 5 pm mother/father provides reassurance that our family's emotional needs r met and balanced.
Wow anonymous you seem to overread laifchan post. Relax oi. Some women find satisfaction outside the house and can manage and balance home. Some women find satisfaction at home with kids. No one is wrong in their opinion. Each person must do what makes them happy and satisfied with life.
Take a moment and pat those ladies on the back for being able to juggle it all as I'm sure you get patted on the back by your friends and family for choosing to be a stay home mom n giving 100% focus and priority to your children and husband.
Kudos to ladies who have a career and go home at the end of the day to receive, with open loving arms, their children. By doing so your children will remember those moments spent with mom and dad and grandparents/extended family and not 'mommy is at work'. Love is good and positive so what comes out of love is positive and no negative memories.
A, be openminded enough to hear other people's stories OI
Been There Done Both:
Thanks for your feedback. You're so right to say that time management is crucial whereas less important stuff (dishwashing!) can wait.. Personally, I like the idea of having my own income and to be able to help out my spouse instead of watching him shoulder all the monetary burden.
Woah Horsey anonymous:
I'm on the same page with you. This is what discussion is all about isn't it?
Thanks for visiting! :)
Hats off to Ah Keong's wife for being low maintenance. I'm sure she's a beautiful lady inside and out. Perhaps Ah Keong meant low maintenance, not cheap. It's wonderful when the wife can balance herself and household without having to blow the budget. It's not easy to stick to a monthly budget and take care of yourself as a woman, wife, and mother.
As with time management, budget management is also important.
thank you kingkong for visiting! do come again soon..
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