Sleep Training II - The Baby Sleep Site

Method: The Baby Sleep Site

Expert: 

- Nicole Johnson

- 35 years old, married mother of two boys
- B.A degree from UC Berkeley, MBA from Ohio State University
- President of Babble Soft

- Baby sleep coach and owner of The Baby Sleep Site™

- In her own words, "By thoroughly researching the key literature and scientific reports, I became an expert in sleep methods, scheduling routines, baby’s development needs and more."

- More: About The Baby Sleep Site 

How To: 5 Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through The Night

More: BabySleepSite_Five Way to STTN.pdf, 
The Baby Sleep Site

7 Common Napping Mistakes

1) Sleep Routines

- "...nap and bedtime routines will cue your child that sleep is near and sets his/her expectations. When done right, your child might start to get sleepy and eyes droopy before you even get to Step 2." 

- A typical bedtime routine: Diaper and pyjamas, a quiet game, nursing/bottle/sippie (for babies younger than 1 or 2), brushing teeth, potty (if applicable), book, singing or cuddling, then lights out.

- Naptime routine similar to bedtime routine but shorter (10 mins)

- Bath not included because: a) Some parents do not have the time b) Child may have dry skin, water dries out the skin even more c) A bath may rile up some more spirited children

- " Whatever your specific routine is, the steps are unimportant. It is only your consistency that makes your routines successful or not.."

2) Early Bedtime

- "...the most misunderstood fact when it comes to a baby's sleep is the idea that you should keep your baby up longer to get more sleep out of her. This does not promote more sleep. In fact, many times it creates less."

- "The problem with a too-late bedtime is your child will get overtired. When we are overtired (adults included), our bodies will release hormones to fight fatigue. This makes it hard for us to settle down and relax and sleep well. This is especially true for your baby..."

- "The second part of the problem is that babies biologically tend to be early risers in the early days...they want to explore! ..one day, he will be a teenager and you will have to drag him out of bed. But for now, this means that regardless of bedtime, you may not get to sleep in like you did before you had kids."

Amount of sleep:

- Babies younger one year and younger : 11 - 12 hours each night

- Toddlers 2 - 3 years old: 10 - 11 hours each night

- The key to choosing the right bedtime is dependent on the time the last nap ends and to make sure it's not too long until bedtime...

- Recommended bedtime:  

Babies 6 months and younger: between 6 & 7 pm

Toddlers until 18 months old: between 6 & 8 pm

3) Naps

- "...the better baby naps during the day, the better night sleep can be.."

- "It is normal for babies younger than 6 months old to take 3 - 4 short 30 - 45 minute catnaps." 

- " The average amount of napping is 2 - 3 hours each day for this age group." 

- " Around 6 months of age (some ready by 5 months, some won't) , you should nap your baby more on a schedule. A typical schedule might be: 7am(wake), 9am(nap), 1pm(nap), 4pm(nap), 7pm(bed). The third nap is optional and most babies lose it by 9 months old.

4) Manage Sleep Associations 

-" Is it a bad idea to rock your baby? Can it be harmful to your baby?...it is never a bad idea to cuddle your baby and give her lots of love and affection! It's only when rocking your baby becomes a task difficult to sustain is it a problem."

- "They (babies) might fall asleep .. in their parents' arms/nursing/sucking on a bottle/pacifier.. there isn't a problem with these methods until it is a problem."  

- The problem with sleep associations is that your baby needs YOU to recreate the environment in which they fall asleep.. 

- "Sleep association is NOT a problem...it's only when you can't keep up with the sleep associations that it becomes a problem. 

- The key is to break the sleep associations causing problems...the longer you wait, the harder it is for him to sleep well."  

5) Manage Night Feedings

 Night feeding: " I personally believe that babies vary and so will answer to the question.."

- " My philosophy is to sleep train to fix problems, but not make a child go hungry if they can't  comfortably go all night without nutrition."

- After 3 months old:

" For optimum sleep at night, choose zero, one or two times to feed your child and don't at any other time in the night. You are choosing the number of times based on what YOU know about your child. The theory behind this is that you are helping your child feel hungry at appropriate times at night." [consult your paediatrician]

Pros/Cons - Testimonials

Here is the link to the Testimonials: 

(As it's from the site itself, of course all the comments praise the method above. I can't seem to find any other info about the site from Google. Maybe because it's rather new? It was set up in 2009, based on the Copyright..) 

Concept-wise, it seems reasonable. The only cons about this method is perhaps the really early recommended bedtime which may not be practical for most people who are not necessarily home bound at that time. 

Has anyone tried this method--maybe you can share the pros-cons?

Personal opinion: I have a question: How does one become an 'expert' after "..thoroughly researching the key literature and scientific reports"? Anyhow, I think the principles of this method are reasonable and makes sense. I like that she takes into consideration all babies are different, and that she emphasizes on the consistency of the steps and not just the steps itself. I think it's also true that an over tired baby has difficulty settling down. We went out just now and came  back later than expected. My baby was soooo sleepy and slept in the car seat. But after gently putting her down on the mattress, she suddenly woke up and started playing again.. It was an hour later before she dozed off! So I suppose her hormones are fighting the fatigue? Only, which hormones? Endorphins? Adrenaline? Doctors, please enlighten us.Thanks!

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky

Sleep Training I - Sears

Method : Sears - Attachment Parenting

Expert(s) : 

William Sears, M.D and Martha Sears, R.N. with Robert Sears, M.D. and James Sears, M.D

- William and Martha Sears have 8 children

- Dr. Sears was trained at Harvard Medical School's Children's Hospital, Boston and Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children, Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, Irvine. Practiced Pediatrics for more than 30 years

- Martha Sears is a Registered Nurse, works as parenting and breastfeeding consultant in the Sears Family Pediatric Practice

-Robert Sears, M.D., a board certified pediatrician, degree from Georgetown Uni and trained in Children's Hospital LA.

- James Sears, M.D. a board certified pediatrician, degree from St. Louis Uni. Medical School, trained in Tod's Children's Hospital in Youngstown, Ohio.
More info: William Sears (Wiki.)  ,  AskDrSears  , Dr. Sears Official Website

How To Get Your Baby to Sleep [pg. 312, Chapter 15, The Baby Book]

More: Best Way - The Sears Method of Getting your Baby to Sleep

A) Step One: Give your Baby the Best Sleep Start

* Develop a Nighttime-Parenting Mind-Set

"The nighttime mind-set we want to steer you away from is that getting your baby to sleep through the night requires a list of gadgets and insensitive techniques that 'break' baby of night waking. This is a short term gain and possibly a long term loss. In breaking baby's night waking, you may also break other, more fragile connections with your baby."

- "Do you look at night as a time of relief from the constant attachment of baby during the day?"

-"Is 'sleeping through the night' at the top of your parent-achievement list?"

-"And if you are not rewarded with a perfect sleeper, have you failed Parenting 101?"

If you answer 'Yes' to the three questions, consider another approach.......

* Develop a Nighttime-Parenting Style that Works for You

"Because babies have varied temperaments, and families have varied life-styles, there is no right way to get a baby to sleep - only the right attitude about sleep."

"Good sleepers are partly born, party made, never forced."

- "Be open to trying different nighttime approaches to see which one fits the sleep temperament of your baby and your life-style and sleep habits."

* The Attachment Style of Nighttime Parenting

"The approach ...that usually works for most families is the attachment style of nighttime parenting."

"The two elements of this style are (1) organizing and mellowing your baby's temperament during the day (2) sleeping close to your baby at night."

How: Feeding on demand/cue promotes better sleep at night, wear baby during the day, sharing sleep with baby highly recommended.

B) Step Two: Condition Your Baby to Sleep

"Your role is to set the conditions that make sleep attractive and to present cues that suggest to baby that sleep is expected."

"Which sleep tips work depends on your baby's temperament and stage of development. What doesn't work tonight may work next week."

"We omit.. 'harden your heart' method: 'Put your baby to down to sleep awake in a crib in her own room and let her cry herself to sleep so that she gets used to falling asleep by herself and won't always need to rely on you to get her back to sleep...."

- "We believe that in the first 6 months, this method is unwise; you run the risk of losing your baby's trust, you may become insensitive to your baby's cries, and in the case of infants with persistent personalities, it usually doesn't work.."

How: 

a) Make sure daytime is peaceful

b) Set consistent nap routines

c) Set consistent bedtimes

d) Enjoy predictable bedtime rituals - warm bath, rocking, nursing, lullabies - capitalize on patterns of association

e) Calm your baby down - A soothing massage or a warm bath

f) Wear your baby down - Wear baby in a sling, walk around till she sleeps, put her down with the sling as blanket.

g) Nurse your baby down - Breastfeed to sleep

h) Father  your baby down - Father nurse baby to sleep through 'neck nestle' technique

i) Rock your baby down

j) Create a bed on wheels - Drive baby in car seat till she/he falls asleep

C) Step Three : Lessen Conditions that Cause Night Waking

"While some night waking is inevitable and the result of the temperament and developmental stage of your baby, there are many causes of disturbed sleep over which you do have some control."

Physical Causes 

- Teething pain, Wet/Soiled Diapers, Irritating Sleepwear, Hunger, Stuffy Nose, Baby too hot or cold

Environmental Causes

-Fluctuating temperature and humidity, Airborne irritants, A cold bed, Unfamiliar sounds

Medical Causes

- Gastroesophageal reflux, Colds, Ear Infections, Fever, Allergies, Pinworms, Urinary tract infections..

Others:

Developmental Causes

-"Expect the previous steady sleeper to begin night waking while going through a major developmental milestone e.g. walking, sitting up alone, crawling..."

-"Separation anxiety is another developmental reason for night waking.

Emotional Causes

-"Expect more night waking when your family's usual routines are upset.."

-"Expect sleep disturbances when ..there's separation, divorce, family strife and hospitalization.."

- "If you and your baby have a close attachment, expect her to share your emotions. If you are upset,depressed, or wakeful yourself, expect similar emotional and sleep disturbances in your baby.."

Pros-Cons/Testimonials

Since I myself am pro-Sears method, I will give my two cents worth on the pros and cons.

Pros

- I don't have to go against my natural instincts when I respond to my baby's cries

- I enjoy the closeness with my babies

- I understand my children's sleep patterns better

- From observing my eldest daughter, she fared well, grew up to be independent and when she was 2 and a half years old, she happily slept in her own bed, own room

- Personally, I feel responding to my baby's cries at night reinforces their trust in me.

Cons

- It may be a bit tiring waking up at night.

- For those with office hours (8 - 5pm), disruption in sleep can affect work performance.

- Some of the steps are not practical e.g. driving baby around to sleep.

- Parents have to do more to put baby to sleep.

More:  

The Sears Method  

Berkeley Parents' Network

When Attachment Parenting Isn't Right: Rebutting Dr. Sears

babycenter: Baby Sleep- The Sears Method

 

Personal Opinion: As I said, I am pro-attachment parenting. At the same time, I have provided links for those who feel differently just so we can see two sides of a coin. Some claim that it spoils the child, parents become too permissive so the children do what they want. I like it because this method of parenting takes into consideration babies'/ children's stage of development and emphasizes parent-child bonding. However, it doesn't mean I follow everything to the T. I am also a firm parent and I do not tolerate disrespect, ill-discipline, selfishness and rudeness. When necessary, I will mete out appropriate disciplinary actions based on the misbehaviour involved. Therefore, as I have said before and will continue saying, we as parents must know our own children and judge for ourselves what works/doesn't work. In everything, strike a healthy balance!

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky

Sleep Training Intro

Sometimes, I'm amused that something as natural as sleep needs training and consists of a variety of methods by different 'experts'. During our parents' time (20+ or 30 years ago?), the only method they knew of was the 'sarong' and the 'experts' were the grandmothers. Then again, sarong may not be for everyone. (Sarong Cradle-Good/Bad?)

Peaceful slumber...

Anyway, with parents' busy working lifestyle, not everyone can afford to wake up few times a night to put baby back to sleep so there are a few popular methods to help with this process. I  decided to compile 4 methods by 4 'experts' (I use inverted commas because it depends on who proclaims them as 'experts' -- others or themselves?) to put up tomorrow for all of us to mull over and see what works for you. As long as it doesn't endanger babies' well-being, I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all and I hope this doesn't become a 'my-way-better-than-your-way' debate. It's purely for sharing and discussion and if you know of other methods or literature/links, feel free to add on.

We'll go by 'Method/Expert/How to/Pros-Cons/Testimonials' and I may add my personal opinions here and there. Please share yours too!

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky

Parents vs. Grandparents

Grandparents are a blessing aren't they? They help to babysit to give parents some couple time, they buy stuff that our kids like, pamper them, pick them up from school when parents are caught up elsewhere..etc. They give bucketfuls of love. They are God sent. Family support in this form is so helpful as I'm sure families away from their own hometowns can attest. Nothing like being away from your own parents to help us appreciate them more.

But what happens if parents and grandparents don't always see eye to eye when it comes to the child (be it child caring or teaching of values..etc)?

Most of us have experienced the occasional minor disagreements with our own parents/parents-in-law regarding giving of junk food, tv viewing, saying certain inappropriate words (e.g. calling our child naughty/stupid/fat)..etc...
Usually, polite repeated requests will reduce the frequency of such incidents - I doubt if it is possible to stop it altogether. If it's not something major, usually mummies have to just close one eye (while gritting and grinding our teeth--let's be honest here!).

I have met some mums though, who have a really challenging time with the grandparents as they feel their own authority is side stepped resulting in confusion or rebellion in their own child/children.

I know of one mum, who stays with her in-laws. She has a hard time disciplining her child because every time she does so, the grandmother would interfere saying things like "Aiyah, he's just a small boy, never mind, never mind.. boy, you run along now." And the boy gets away scot free. Or she would ask him to brush his teeth and the grandmother again would come to the rescue, 'Brush what teeth! No needlah.. new ones will grow anyway. No point to brush now.." (while feeding him candy on the side -- the boy has a row of black teeth, by the way). When I asked her, "Why don't you tell his grandmother to let you handle him?" She sighed..."Easier said than done. We are staying with her. What if things turn sour?" Due to such circumstances, her son doesn't listen to her and runs to the grandmother for everything.

 

I used to have a 4 year old student who used words like 'stupid'/'idiot' on his friends and I highlighted this matter to his mum. The mum, visibly upset, said while she reprimanded him, she couldn't help it as his grandfather would use such words with him "Why you so stupid-lah!" So, even though she mentioned it to the grandfather, it would stop for awhile before continuing again. To the grandfather and aunty, it was natural for them to use such language and they thought it wasn't a big deal. Incidentally, the families also stay together.

Now, what's a mum to do in such situation? While it is natural to answer the mother must be strong and speak up, or pray, or get the husband to support her....what if for some people, it's just not that easy due to obligations/lack of financial independence/husband listens to parents more than wife/husband doesn't care/whatever reason...?

 

Have you been in this situation before? Or know of other mothers who have been/are in this situation? How did you/they handle it? 

 

Hmm... I wonder if there are any grandmamas in our midst who can share their side of the story?? (If you're a grandmama and you read blogs ... WOW!)

It would be good if some experienced mothers can impart their practical wisdom and for all of us to share how to handle such matters tactfully.

 

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky

 

(P/S Even though my title is Parents vs. Grandparents, I have yet to meet a father who has issues with grandparents like mothers do. But you never know...)

Good/Bad Touch

I think we might have come across this matter often enough to know what it's about. Personally, I feel very strongly that as parents, we MUST advise our children about the right and WRONG touches from the time our children can understand us (1++ or 2 years old?). I think it's never too soon to create this awareness in our children as we do not know what sort of psychos are out there in the form of adult authority e.g. teachers, security guards, kindergarten operators' husbands, babysitters' husbands/sons, relatives, religious leaders...etc. (based on the news we read daily)

I once attended an Early Childhood Education (ECE) Conference where there was a panel of speakers--one of them being my professor, a prominent figure in Malaysia in the field of ECE. She opined that we SHOULDN'T  teach them too soon as this may lead to children becoming too sensitive and overly cautious, "Oh No!!! He's molesting me!!" she acted out in a high pitched voice "...when it's a normal touch," she said.

Well, mamas, what do YOU think? (That professor never had children of her own, by the way)

From my personal experience, if children (girls AND boys) are not made aware of the kind of touches that violate them, they may be made victims without even realizing it. How personal is this personal experience? I was one of them.....

I was probably 8 or 9 years old (can't remember) and we used to return to our small hometown regularly for holidays. There was this older relative I looked up to and loved playing with. One holiday, it started when I was showering in the common bathroom. He pushed the door open for his friends to see me naked. His apparently unaware friends chided him for being 'dirty' but he walked off, laughing. Then he started cornering me when I was alone, grabbed me and touched my private part. I didn't tell my parents because I thought he was playing with me and  I didn't want to be a spoil sport. Next trip back, it happened a few more times and he even got another relative to pin me down to do it. I now remember feeling uncomfortable and worst of all, helpless. Why didn't anyone help me? Some aunties were playing mahjong in the same room but they thought we kids were just fooling around, but he was touching me most inappropriately. I didn't know if I should scream, yell and I couldn't hit back because he was too strong for me. After that, I told my mother, who told his mother who scolded and spanked him. He laughingly said sorry (hardly sincere, right?) but since then, it stopped.

I'm sharing this very personal story with you all so you will know that such a memory doesn't  just disappear (I'm 32 today). It's very easy for adults to downplay the seriousness of such matters and even shush the child trying to tell her side of the story. It's easy to say "There, it didn't do you any real harm, did it? You still turned out alright." Yet somehow, even as I am typing this, my hands are shaking and I'm crying. More often than not, adults tend to brush this matter aside, embarrassed instead of doing what should be done... SHAME the perpetrators and take action against them. For the longest time, I felt ashamed of myself because I thought I didn't handle the situation well enough. Now, how I wish my dad had taken a big rattan and beat the living hell out of that relative. 

Anyway, please don't ask me the how's and why's and what-happened-after-that. Let's just leave it as it is...

So, from the moment my girl could understand me, I tell her when I bathe her that NOBODY is to touch her private parts except mummy when washing her. Even though she was young (2 yo) she listened. When she was old enough, she would ask " Can teacher touch? Can papa touch? Can grandma/grandpa touch?" I now tell her, "When you were younger, they had to help wash you, but now that you're older (she's 4 yrs old), you must learn to wash yourself.. Absolutely nobody is to touch your private parts."

Some links here might also help: 

How to Teach Children about Good/Bad Touch

Good and Bad Touch

What Your Child Needs to know About Touching

To summarize:

1) Be open with your children - Don't scare children but tell them what parts should not be touched. Naming private parts specifically helps: Say 'vagina' and 'penis' in a matter of fact way.  Pointing at their private parts and saying 'Shame, shame' doesn't help them understand what they should be ashamed about. If they're victims, the right words will easily help them to describe what happened. And it's not for them to be ashamed... it's not their fault.

2) Understand good touch/bad touch: 

Good touch - hugs, kisses, parent changing diaper, holding hands

Bad touch - hitting, kicking, touching private parts, hugs/kisses that make them feel uncomfortable..

3) Keep no secrets - if anyone makes them feel uncomfortable, they should immediately tell a trusted adult

4) Right to say 'NO!' - Asian children are generally less inclined to defy adults and authority. But it's important that they can say 'NO!' to adults who make them feel uncomfortable. Teach them to SCREAM if someone tries to hurt them.

5) Don't force them to be affectionate - Although it's nice that our children embrace our relatives or friends, we should also be mindful that if they're not comfortable, we shouldn't force them. Respect their wishes. If we as adults don't like to be forced to be physically affectionate, same thing goes for children. Children have natural instincts, they know who love them and they'll automatically love them back.

6) Teach them to speak up - Guide children to express themselves, speak up and not keep quiet about what's wrong. Always communicate with them. Listen to them. 

Finally and most importantly, if you know such inappropriate incident might have occurred somewhere (whether school, kindy, babysitter), please..

SHAME the perpetrator

TAKE action

COMPLAIN - to the principal, to the kindy operator, to other parents..

REPORT to relevant authorities

TELL and publicize to other parents so as not to send their children there

MAKE NOISE- loud noise!

ANYTHING except keep quiet, shush your child and silently transfer your child to another school.

 

Most times, people tend to be so cautious and politically correct, they protect the perpetrators, they say the perpetrators must go for counseling, get professional help, look at their history, family background, don't cause embarrassment or trouble, see both sides of the story...etc.

I say PROTECT ALL OUR CHILDREN first!

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky

Turn the Other Cheek???

What do you tell your little one if another child were to hit/bite/push/grab a toy/slap/pinch him or her?

"Use your words to express your dislike for what she just did.."

"Don't hit back. Tell the teacher."

"Ok, Mummy will go talk to his Mummy."

"It's alright, no big deal.. share your toy with him.."

"Just ignore her.."

I think the above statements have been passed down for generations. At least, that's what my parents used to always tell me when I complained of how another child treated me. Sometimes, I find myself unwittingly telling my child the same thing. 

However, once when my girl was playing and minding her own business, another child went over and deliberately hit her--causing her to cry. As she came running to me to complain, I wondered, "How do I teach my child to stand up for her rights without taking out another person's eye?"

We don't want our kids to go around hitting people, obviously. But, I think the above statements fall short of helping them to stand up for their rights. I think it certainly doesn't teach them confidence in dealing with a problem there and then instead of running to an adult for help. It's all fine when they're toddlers, but what about when they reach their tweens and teens? How should they confront bullies or resolve conflicts? Must they always give way? Can teachers and parents still step in to mediate?

If I may, here are two real life anecdotes for discussion's sake:

a) An ex-colleague of mine used to tell her 4 year old son to give way to a bigger boy who often picked on him, but when the bigger boy continued giving him a hard time, she finally told him, "If he pushes you again, push him back!" which her son did. Since that day, the bigger boy left him alone. 

b) A family friend spoke about how his teenage son was bullied by schoolmates in school. Complaints to teachers and principal deterred them for awhile, but it continued when they turned their backs. Over time, the teenage son fought back (physically). Although he was penalized by his teacher for doing so, the parent laughingly said, "Finally, my son can stand up for himself!"

What do you guys think?

I found some informative links here. 

How to teach children to stand up for themselves

How to raise a child who'll stand up for herself

Teach Your Child to Walk Away from Fights

To summarize the info above, they suggest:

1)  Instill a sense of security and confidence since infancy.

2) When disciplining the child, criticize the behaviour and do not belittle the child

3) Help him/her recognize his/her rights

4) Teach kids to speak up and think for themselves

5) Let him/her call the shots (sometimes) to boost their confidence

6) Discourage peer worship

7 ) Role play situations on how to assert themselves

8) Be a positive role model - Adults show how they stand up for themselves in a positive way

9) If they might be physically harmed, they should walk away from the person.

How else would you help your child to stand up for him/herself?

Baby Sign Language Part II

Here are some pictorial guidelines I found on baby sign language. Try it with your baby (if you haven't already) and see if it works!

And here are some basic ASL (American Sign Language) from Basic ASL, 100 first signs:
Mom-Dad  
Grandpa
Grandma
Brother-Sister
Hot-Cold
Car-Drive
Milk
Egg
Drink
Spoon-Fork
Cup
Water
Hurt/Pain
Thank you
Please

If the above does not suffice, I also discovered this video sign language dictionary. I am not, however, marketing/publicizing any product in particular if it happens to be on the same website.

If you know of any website or links that can help, do put it up in your comments ya? This way, we can all learn from each other!!

HAPPY LEARNING AND SIGNING!!!

Carpe Diem, ladies!
Becky

Baby Sign Language Part I

Have any of you watched "Meet the Fockers 2"? I thought it was a hilarious show! Robert de Niro did an excellent job portraying a doting grandfather who communicates with his grandson by sign language...besides breastfeeding him through prosthetic breasts.

At that time, I was a bit skeptical (strangely, not about the prosthetic breasts...) because the sign language seemed a bit too sophisticated for a young toddler.

However, over time, after reading more and hearing other moms' testimonies about this form of communication, I suppose it is very possible to teach/train a young toddler to communicate through this method. I must admit I am not particularly experienced in this area as we got by using verbal reinforcements to our kids' requests and we understood what their cries meant. Then again, isn't it better if our toddlers, who have yet to verbalize, are able to 'speak' to us through other forms of language?  Every child develops at a different pace so for some, verbal language may develop earlier and for some, it may be later.

I found some interesting information about baby signing from Parenting science:

a) What is it?

- Research that supports the use of 'baby sign language' refers to encouraging babies to communicate with their hands, it is not the full-blown American Sign Language taught to people with hearing disabilities although we can teach babies that too. 

- That includes:

* Pointing at things of interest, and responding appropriately when babies point. (Example: When baby points at a cat, you say “That’s a cat!”)

* Actively teaching symbolic gestures--gestures that “stand for” something else (Example: To represent the concept of “food” or “eating,” you hold your fingers together, as if grasping something, and bring them to your lips)

* Responding to symbolic gestures that babies might invent (Example: Baby tugs at her shirt while she makes a questioning sound, meaning “Could you help me take off my shirt?”)

(Hey! Come to think of it, we have already been signing all along if we go by that definition!)

b) Why?

The reasons range from helping the babies to communicate, to picking up verbal language faster, meeting their needs to forming a stronger attachment between parents and child. Some even associate it with higher IQ but there seems to be insufficient studies or research to support that claim.

c) When to begin?

Most people begin at 6 months of age but some start earlier than that.

If you have been getting your baby to sign to you all this while, please share with us how you did it, at what age did your baby start signing and whether it affected verbal language in anyway?

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky

For Mama and For Charity

In the spirit of carpe diem and balancing our lives as mothers and women, I'd like to share something a little different today.....

For mothers in Kuching (or those who can fly to Kuching):

An International Women Conference is taking place on 13th and 14th August 2010. The theme is: The Beautiful Woman. (Now if that's not us, who is?)

I think this is a good time and place for women to be encouraged. Goodness knows how much we need that as we juggle work, family, chores and everything under the sun. When I first saw the itinerary, my first instinct was "Oh no, the hours are way too long and I've got this and that to do.." But then again, why are we mothers always feeling so guilty about cutting ourselves some slack once in awhile? A break from routine, some uplifting words, getting to know other women or mothers are great ways to rejuvenate us. Hey, we might even learn something new from the speakers too!

The entrance cost ONLY RM50.00 (inclusive of meals and tea breaks) and if you register before 31st May 2010, it is ONLY RM30.00!!! You can't get a better bargain than this... a family meal at a restaurant already costs more than that. ;)

If however, you really need to attend to family matters, there are breaks in between scheduled talks so you can leave for awhile---- just make sure you come back!!!

For mothers everywhere:

I stumbled upon this quite by accident; Elevyn is organising a contest where all you have to do is take a picture with your beloved mother or one with your child and send it with a Mother's Day message to info@elevyn.com by 31st May 2010. 

Why am I highlighting this event in particular? Simply because the organisation has a good cause to help marginalised families move out of poverty through the sale of their products. Most of us are very fortunate to be in very privileged positions and I always believe that if we can do our bit to help others while we can, why not spare a moment? It doesn't cost us very much. 

The prizes include discount vouchers for Lollietots and Tiny Tapir, both of which sell earth friendly or green baby products, as well as a photo session with Anna Rina, wedding and lifestyle portrait photographer based in KL, Malaysia. (She's got incredible biceps! Check her out!)

For more details, look up http://www.elevyn.com/mom and KLue.

So, mamas... Let's do our bit for ourselves and for others. :D

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky

Ear Hygiene

If you're grossed out by the picture above, please, read on...... :)

I wonder if I'm the only mum who worries about wax build up in my children's ears because quite frankly, this is not something most people get together to talk about..

" Hey, have you cleaned your child's ears today? " 

" Oh gosh, yeah and about time too! I could make a candle with it... What about you? " 

(Ok, ok..very Shrek..eww, gross, yuck, bleah!)

Well, we're mamas, we deal with poop, pee, boogers, snot, puke... (If you haven't, then you've got a looooong way to go, dearie) ... so what's a bit of wax??

The most common advice given that I've come across when it comes to cleaning your child's ears is usually NEVER USE A COTTON SWAB IN THE EAR!! Some information states to use warm olive oil to loosen the wax in the ear but mostly, I read that just leave the wax alone cause it should fall out by itself.  (How to clean children's ears)

But I wonder, what if the wax doesn't fall out? Won't it block the ear canal and affect my child's hearing? Wax is supposed to trap dirt and dust right? So if it's left in there, isn't it kind of..dirty?  And that bit about pouring oil into the child's ear, would there be any side effects?

Sometimes, experts' advice may not be a one-for-all as some mothers here commented in babycenter: Can I clean my child's ears with a cotton swab? 

When surfing, I came across some ear cleaning devices. I personally have never been on a look out for them so they're pretty alien to me. Has anyone ever used any of these devices?

(

(Picture A)

(Picture B)

(Picture C)

(Picture D)

I do own this common ear cleaner though...

(Picture E)

So far, I've only used cotton buds to clean the outer part of my children's ears. I would only use the common ear cleaner when the wax is very near the opening of the canal--only for my older girl by the way, not for my baby. I remember the first time I removed ear wax from my older girl's ear, it was almost like the first picture above! Ewwww...

More practical advice here: How do I remove Ear Wax from My Toddler's Ears?

What do you guys think? Leave the wax, clean the wax or ask the doctor to do it? Hmm.. do we look for an ENT specialist then or would a regular pediatrician suffice? How do they charge? More or less depending on amount of ear wax?? ( :D.....Giggle... kidding, kidding!)

Any audiologist, pediatricians, ENT specialists out there.. please advise the ignoramus that I am... and enlighten us at the same time! Thanks...

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky

How to Stay Friends with Our Children

I love comic artists, Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman's production, "Zits". Their comic strips depict a very typical parent-adolescent relationship. Have a look:

So sometimes I wonder, how do we stay close to our kids even when they're adolescents or older? I asked a friend of mine to share her take on this matter.

Why did I invite her in particular?

Well, a brief introduction: She's a lawyer, a golfer and a fellow Toastmaster. She has two grown kids. Her son is an accountant whereas her daughter is a tertiary student. And get this, when I first met them together, I couldn't tell they were mother and children! Why? (No, I'm not that dull...duuhh..) They were like friends! They were chatting and giggling together, they joked and whispered to each other, they discussed matters diplomatically, mother-son are in Toastmasters together , mother-daughter joined Hapkido and golf together..... and get this, the son who was overseas volunteered to return to the City of Meow to keep his mum company once the daughter left for further studies!! I mean, how many grown kids want to come back after they've left the nest just to accompany mum? Wowww.......

I always ask her, how do you do it? How do you remain close friends with your kids? Is there a formula?

Chan:

"My son and daughter are now 23 years and almost 20 years old respectively.  I'd like to think that I am a friend to both of them although of course there is another level to our relationship, ie. that of my being a mother... someone whom they know they can rely on... a staple in their lives on whom they can focus and to whom they can run to at any time in their lives... unconditionally.  But how to achieve such an idealistic state? 

As a new mother, I stumbled along, had my ups and my downs as I learned along the way.  But I believe the key to this is the underlying love of a mother who respects her children as individuals in their own rights. 

While they are young, they look up to us for answers, for guidance. The pitfall is to try to suppress them with our own ideas and beliefs rather than pointing them in the right direction.  Getting them to think for themselves how to look for solutions.  So even at a young age, we have to respect the child's ability to think and work things out. 

But as they grow into their teens, we see a shift as they search for independence.  They will push the boundaries and test your patience, your willingness to give in to them (good or bad).  

While I may be strict with my two children at this trying period, there were times when I had to pause and look deep into myself, examine my own motives when I was too strict or too relaxed with them. Rightly or wrongly, whatever path we take, if we know deep in our hearts that our motive is unselfish, that we accept that our children are their own persons, and our role is only to provide a stable secure environment they can rely on as they explore their world and learn for themselves that there are consequences to their actions and choices, then I believe we cannot be too far off the right path.  It's not easy.  Many's the time when we want to rush to the rescue immediately.  I learnt to my detriment that trying to protect our children from hardship, providing for their every single need instead of sometimes letting them work out problems for themselves can slow their maturity and growth."

Ok, mamas, seize this opportunity and bombard her with questions to find out more! 

Carpe Diem, ladies!

Becky 

For Great Mums....

I have compiled some beautiful quotes to affirm and encourage all of us as moms/moms-to-be. 

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.  

~Tenneva Jordan

 Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love. 

~Mildred B. Vermont

 A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. 

~Peter De Vries

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.  

~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.  

~Aristotle

 Grown don't mean nothing to a mother.  A child is a child.  They get bigger, older, but grown?  What's that suppose to mean?  In my heart it don't mean a thing.

  ~Toni Morrison, Beloved, 1987

 A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done.

~Author Unknown

There is only one pretty child in the world. And every mother has it.

Chinese poverb

(well, I have two.... )

  

Take heart that no matter how tired or frustrated we may be, or that some days our husbands and kids don't seem to appreciate us, or when circumstances aren't always smooth-sailing, or when chores/deadlines/laundry/cooking are just endless, your home and family wouldn't be the same if not for YOU. When our kids think of home cooking, it'll be our cooking (Ha!) .When our kids think of comfort, we are the source of it. When it comes to home doctor/teacher/driver/counselor/friend/seamstress/career woman/magician/etc.. rolled into one, guess who tops the list?

Say it Loud, Say it Proud....
"I Am A GREAT Mum!!!"
 
Happy Mother's Day, 
Carpe Diem Mamas!